Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Where were we?

I think this helps, don't you? Just having a place to get it all out and see how much progress you have (hopefully) made? I have so much to manage.  How is it possible that each day looks exactly the same? Man.  I hope I changed my clothes.  And showered.

I am 45 now.  46 in December. I have a 7 yo from second round of IVF, an almost 5 yo from donor eggs, and a 2 year old from just having sex.  Sex.  Ew.  Like once a month.  I'm sorry about that.  I just really am.  Everyone deserves the crib to be a rocking.  I know many have tried and failed. 

Who the hell knows why I am on this side?  Too heavy for me to explore.  If you tell me things happen for a reason, I will reach through the keyboard and let my son pee on your hard drive.  He loves to pee on targets.  Careful.

I'm here and I am barley treading water.  Grateful as hell, but mother father this is a shit ton of a lot harder than the dreamy family stalking in the park I used to do.

I have a recipient family who has a 5 year old son from our remaining embryos.  This mother is the one to lead us all.  She opened my heart when I just wanted to toss my embryos over the wall.  It's a gift to see her mother her children.  I used to say "my children", but I am getting better.  Oh, there is envy, but not mean spirited.  Just want to have all the babies all the time.

My oldest daughter, formerly known as Toddlerina, is a powerhouse.  I am reinventing myself trying to find the best way to allow her to fly.  I am alienated from my family due to my parenting approach. I try to follow Peaceful Parenting practices.  Gentle Parenting.  Anything but Authoritarian.  Tried that and failed miserably.  Hard part is, my sister has some spectacular kids and followed Authoritarian. And look at me! (Har, har.) I am the product of Authoritarian parenting! I'm a gem of a citizen.

My DE guy knows he is from a special egg, but loves it because he thinks it has something to do with aliens.

My baby (still breastfeeding to the disgust of my family) will one day know I said "I cannot bear another pregnancy".  Oops.

I thank God for the ban on men's Olympic swim bodysuits.

Betty please.  For the next ten minutes, everything comes with pancakes.


  1. So glad I found your new digs! :-)

  2. Oh my gosh you are awesome. Looking forward to following along. I found you from LFAC. I have a nine month old daughter from DE and your comment about the aliens made me laugh. Oh the things I get to look forward to. :)